everything’s perfect and ted wants to die

book by patrick swailes caldwell & ian yan
music by ian yan | lyrics by patrick swailes caldwell

In the far future, on a utopian spaceship captained by a mysterious yet benevolent A.I, a human must uncover humanity’s path to this utopia from an unexpected source: the memories of an adorable plush frog.

Spanning thousands of years of time,
here are 11 sneak peeks to amuse your bouche.

~very far in the future~

1. EVERYTHING'S PERFECT

memories of Claire ~1995~

2. THE BATHTUB: WANNA PLAY PIRATES?

memories of Elliot ~2046~

4. ELLIOT SHAW, THE ACTOR
6. I HAVEN'T SAID A LINE IN FOUR DAYS THAT HASN'T SOUNDED LIKE ETHEL MERMAN HATE-FUCKING A DIGERIDOO
8. THE END OF THE WORLD BEGINS WITH CHAMPAGNE

memories of Zelya ~2546~

9. POST-APOCALYPTIC STEAMPUNK SHAKESPEARE: WE SPLIT, WE SPLIT, WE SPLIT
10. ZELYA KOVACKS AND THE EYE CHASERS pt. 1
3. CLAIRE DREAMS OF SPACE: I AM THE CAPTAIN OF A GREAT BIG VESSEL
5. THE REHEARSAL: MR. SHAW'S WALK AND TALK
7. OPENING NIGHT: I AM THE CAPTAIN OF A GREAT BIG VESSEL, I'M ELLIOT'S
11. ZELYA KOVACKS AND THE EYE CHASERS pt. 2

demos lovingly performed by: Jason Belanger, Patrick Swailes Caldwell, Stephanie Leah Evans, Michael Liebhauser,
Sheridan Stevens, Ella Stoller, Lauren Wilmore, Ian Yan

arrangements & orchestrations: Ian Yan, Terence “T” Odonkor

kind things people have said about us:

“Everything Is Perfect and Ted Wants to Die is one of the most original and authentic new pieces I have encountered in a long time. It is formally inventive, emotionally effective, and immediate. I can't wait to see how it develops and to congratulate the theater with the guts to take it on.”
— Kent Nicholson, Senior VP of Broadway Licensing, former Associate Producer of Musical Theater at Playwrights Horizons, co-creator of Uncharted Writers Group at Ars Nova

“Everything Is Perfect and Ted Wants to Die has the potential to be one of the most exciting new musicals of our time. Ian and Patrick have imagined it and its world fully, giving it a wild kind of coherence that makes even its less-disciplined moments exciting and rewarding. Audacious and sweet, verbose and musical, daring and satisfying, it deserves champions who believe in it and its talented and passionate authors.”
— Sam Carner, (Island Song, Unlock’d), Kleban-winning lyricist, Richard Rodgers Award

“It’s thrilling... definitely the coolest reading I’ve done in a long time.”
— Heath Saunders, (Broadway: Nathasha, Pierre & The Great Comet of 1812, Company), original Mr. Hoppy for May 2023 29-Hour Reading

development history

fall 2026 — upcoming developmental workshop
may 2026 — table reading at playwrights horizons
feb 2024 — table reading at Dramatist Guild
may 2023 — 29-hour reading at Musical Creators’ Institute

production photos

29-hour reading with Musical Creators' Institute | may 2023 | Cast (L-R): Heath Saunders, Taylor Fagins, Ella Stoller Michael Liebhauser, Tony Macht, Mckenna Quigley Harrington, Jackie Chu, Lauren Wilmore, Sheridan Stevens, Zia Lawrence (not pictured

29-hour reading with Musical Creators' Institute | may 2023 | Cast (L-R): Heath Saunders, Taylor Fagins, Ella Stoller Michael Liebhauser, Tony Macht, Mckenna Quigley Harrington, Jackie Chu, Lauren Wilmore, Sheridan Stevens, Zia Lawrence (not pictured) | Music Direction: Simon Broucke | Dramaturg: Ella Stoller | Special Thanks to Sam Carner of the Musical Creators' Institute and the Dramatists Guild.

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table reading at dramatist guild | feb 2024

table reading at dramatist guild | feb 2024

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